How the Democrats Win 2028

I know everyone is feeling lost and confused. But the path forward is clear! Based on the 13 Keys System., the Democrats need to accomplish six goals to win 2028:

  1. Win the 2026 midterms
  2. Democrat donors funnel money into a strong third-party candidate
  3. Oppose major policy changes (tough to due with probably unified government)
  4. Foment social unrest
  5. Prosecute scandals (they're good at that)
  6. Run a charismatic candidate (they're not so good at that)

Easy peasy.