not to be pathetic but damn

i, 26F, never thought i'd be making my own vent post about the dating world that i will probably end up deleting but here i am

it is absolutely atrocious out here and there is no signs of it getting any better at all. i've been trying to talk to people and get to know them for a year now and it's like an endless brick wall maze filled with dead ends. i'm very straight forward about what im looking for, im honest and i know what i want in return. i can keep and start a conversation, but stumbling over small talk or someone who doesn't even reply got old very quickly.

i was talking to someone who i thought i would have a great connection with just to be told that they weren't ready for a relationship after things started "feeling too real" when we had yet to even go on a date.

went on an actual first date this past weekend and it was really good just to be told they didn't feel a connection either.

and again, not to sound absolutely pathetic but i've spent my entire life working on myself through trauma and hardships, been through years of therapy before i even thought of putting myself out there as i dont want to be seen as some kind of "problem" for someone to fix. am i the best person ever? no. have i made my own mistakes, yes. but all i truly want is to make someone happy and to form a genuine connection but how can i do that if literally nobody is open to giving me a chance to do that if the "sparks" aren't there? i dont want a relationship just to have one or to make me happy. i genuinely want a bond with someone and it is so fucking hard.

and unfortunately i'm pretty much exclusive to dating apps because my cities LGBT community events are all older lesbians (50+) and no speed dating events in my area exist, the pride parade is the closest thing to a queer gathering there is around here.