Drunken Night Out With BF

Throw away account. Sorry if I’m all over the place and for this being so long.

I need men’s opinion/advice. I’ve been dating a man for over 2 years now. We both came into the relationship with the mindset of it being short term. However, our relationship grew into something pretty magical, pretty quickly.

We have the absolute best relationship I’ve ever been in. He is a man’s man. He leads, but he’s also so loving. He’s always making sure I know I’m loved and cared for and I do the same. He tells me I bring him peace and he’s never felt so seen, appreciated and loved.

I don’t have the time to go through our relationship’s rough patches.. We’ve had a fair amount. I will admit I have not been the easiest because of my past trauma but he has given me the space to really heal. I’m not the same person I was in the beginning. I had a lot of heart blockages and it took me time to completely open up and to trust.

I’ve made a lot of adjustments in my social calendar mostly because most of my friends are guys. (Grew up with an older bro and all his friends + hate drama and cattiness) I used to go out all the time but I could tell my guy didn’t like it even though he never asked me to stop going. I did it more out of respect.

Onto last weekend. We went out dancing with a large group. I got completely wasted even though I only had 4 drinks. I don’t remember anything from a certain point on and we were only there for 3 hours. The stories I am collecting though is I was dancing with a lot of different men and apparently they were touching me and I was touching them in a very sexual way. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I would consider myself a classy lady, not trashy like my behavior displayed. I’m ashamed and would never behave this way sober.

The problem I’m having is my guy let this happen and when a couple of the guys said you should go get your girl he said it wasn’t his job. Obviously he was pissed. He said he didn’t want to watch so he basically turned his back to me so he didn’t have to see me and checked on me from time to time.

The next day he asked me if he thought someone may have slipped something in my drink because I went from 0-100 quick. I hate getting drunk and it’s definitely something I only do once or twice a year. I play a lot of soccer throughout the week and I’m super health conscious so it’s pretty sporadic. The fact that he asked me means he knew something wasn’t right then. Or maybe he thought of that the next day. Idk.

I know I got drunk but I am NOT the type of lady to do what happened that night. I think he wanted to sit back and see what I was going to do. He told me the next day, this was his concern every time I would go out with my friends. I am a very sexual woman and crave sex, but I’ve always been a one-man type of woman. I think I lost his trust even though this truly hasn’t happened because now this is what he’ll think about and he’s going to question every single time I’ve been out in the past.

This is my concern. He wasn’t angry with me the next day. That scares me. I think I broke us. Men I need harsh and honest truth. No gray areas. Don’t be nice. I need to know if it’s over now.

When he picked me up for soccer the next day he acted as if everything was fine. I don’t like that. It’s almost like this is what he had thought had been happening when I would go out and now he got confirmation. Does that make sense? When we talked about it later he told me I am too much of a red flag to see me as a forever, but he loves me and doesn’t want to break it off. I am so saddened by my behavior and I take full ownership for drinking.

Have I truly lost him forever? Can he ever fall back in love with me?

Do I need to listen to what he’s saying and know I’ve ruined it and just be in the relationship knowing we’ll be companions until we’re not?

Was he wrong for how he handled the situation? I don’t know if I should be upset because I’m dealing with too much shame to see the situation clearly.

Harsh truth men. Please. Tia.