I'm so embarrassed

Long story short, I have had severe constipation since I was a kid. Because of this, I can go a REALLY long time without getting uncomfortable. When I woke up this morning, I had so much pressure in my rectum and I definitely felt like I needed to go. I sat down and tried for awhile, but nothing. I knew this was going to be a long day. Finally tonight, after going back and forth to the toilet and straining so hard I was sweating, I gave myself an enema. This was both a good and bad idea. The cramping got so bad but nothing was coming out. I was crying and shaking and I didn't know what to do. After 4 hours, I finally was able to go and it literally felt like I birthed a baby. It definitely caused some damage as it came out. The thing I'm embarrassed about is the sweating and crying part. It just felt like I was going to pass out or I was going to have to have my kids call the ambulance. I'm not a big person. I'm 5ft tall and about 90 pounds on a good day so how does the stool get so big? It literally had to tear open my anus to get out. Anyways, thanks for reading my story. Hopefully it didn't gross anyone out