Being called “disgusting Chinese” by my husband

Today, I told my husband a story from five years ago. I was on a flight from Denmark to Norway, and when everyone was getting off, only two people were pulled aside: me and another Indian guy. We were the only Asians—or rather, the only non-white passengers. I don’t know what happened to him, but I was asked to show my passport and visa again, even though my visa had already been validated when I entered the EU in Denmark. It annoyed and embarrassed me at the time, but I eventually saw it as more of a joke.

When I shared this story with my husband, his response was: “Yeah, it was probably because you’re a disgusting Chinese.” The phrase “disgusting Chinese” stuck in my throat and hit me deeply. He later explained that he meant it as if he were speaking from the perspective of the people who pulled me aside—not that he actually thinks I’m disgusting. But he could have just said, “because you’re Asian” or “because you’re Chinese.” I don’t understand why he added the word “disgusting.”

Maybe I was being prejudiced, assuming I was singled out because of my race. But that word—“disgusting”—hurt. It’s one thing when strangers treat you differently; you can brush it off. But when your own husband puts that word on you, it feels much worse.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but my husband thinks I’m assuming the worst about him. Still, hearing that word from him really hurt. Looking to hear your thoughts on this.