Tiny moment of madness — mostly looking for reassurance?

Last night I was kissing the person I’m seeing and I looked at her face and had no idea who she was. She looked completely different (just an entirely different person, different race, different face etc). I kept squinting at her and blinking to make the stranger go away but I felt incredibly vulnerable suddenly being in an intimate situation with a total stranger and I started crying silently which made her uncomfy because she thought she’d done something wrong and I couldn’t explain what was happening. After some time (no idea how long but probably not more than an hour) she looked normal again. I am super casual with this woman and we do not normally talk about heavy stuff so this episode and the crying felt wildly inappropriate.

It feels so scary to me that even though I am mostly well and stable (taking my Aripiprazole, sleeping, eating, not doing drugs etc) these little bits of terror still pop up. I have a lingering sense of fear today that something bad and big is on the horizon.

I have recently started ADHD meds and I can’t tell my care coordinator or psychiatrist about this moment because they will take me off Elvanse which I really want to carry on taking because it’s helping me so much, and I know this wasn’t related.

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that other people experience these tiny moments of fear and madness without them escalating into a full-on episode. It just feels so scary that I have to live in a world where all of a sudden I don’t know where I am or who I’m looking at.