Just starting to date the kindest person in the world, she has spooky hallucinations/psychosis? What should I know? Can hallucinations be turned nice through treatment?

I (29NB) am starting to date a really wonderful lovely person (28NB), and they have had scary auditory and verbal hallucinations for years.

They are so genuinely kind and sweet. They work at costco and tell me stories about the jokes they try in line to try to make customers laugh (they call it their rejection therapy, because its 50/50 if it works). They just helped a 20 y/o coworker leave her shitty ex and hosted her for two weeks, giving her good advice and teaching her emotional regulation skills even though it basically meant parenting her while simultaneously moving. They brought my roommate a valentines card after her boyfriend broke up with her right before valentines day, when I was out of town. They teach swim lessons to small children, and in the past year got a 5 year old who was terrified of the water to have fun laughing and playing in it. Theyʻre a talented (and slightly arrogant) musician. Theyʻre committed to their music and make adorable spreadsheets about it. They constantly thinking of others, what will bring them joy, and then go out of their way to do it.

This is the relationship with the best communication in in my whole life. We established really early on a practice of being kind and super open so vulnerability feels really safe. Theyʻve been great about encouraging me to address my ADHD in a way that has been successful for them, and in supporting me emotionally generally. Theyʻre genuinely happy to go slightly out of their way to do things that make me happy. I told them I was boycotting a brand because of human rights violations, and the next time they got me a gift they made sure not to buy it from there. They bring me flowers every time they see me that they picked.

On the spooky side, the hallucinations are violent. The hallucinations self harm and want her to hurt herself too. The hallucinations have been around for years. They have had bad times before where they were hospitalized for being a danger to themself. They also have ADHD, depression, and an eating disorder. They are not on anti-psychotics despite at least 1 psychiatrist wanting them to be, but take meds consistently for ADHD and inconsistently for depression. They go to therapy twice a week, exercise, journal every day, and keep a daily to-do list. They work really actively to manage their ADHD. Less so the depression. They have a hard time talking about their hallucinations, so they donʻt manage them as actively (or at least not with outside help). Iʻve been gently encouraging working on it in therapy.

I have ADHD, anxiety, recovered form an ED and situational depression, so we talk about our experiences and how they overlap. I emphasize how naming the things that are hard helps me address them, and about how my therapist has been able to give me specific skills that help me manage my anxiety. They have started talking to their therapist about the voices (their therapist already knew that they had them).

It seems like its pretty different than other mental illnesses, including mine. Once we talked about one of the strategies Iʻve been given for intrusive thoughts, which is to make fun of them to lessen their power. She got really quiet and said that people she sees donʻt like that, and I got the impression that they do really ugly things in response.

She has horrible dreams where her loved ones are being hurt, and then dreams she wakes up and it happens again. She smokes weed before bed because it makes her not dream. Except for the weed, shes a year sober after a childhood friend died alone and homeless from drinking/drugs.

Whether weʻre together or not, I just want her to be happy. They hallucinations seem so scary, and are like a shadow on the sun of her life and the joy she brings into the world.

I donʻt want them to be so scary for her. Iʻve heard that in other cultures the voices and hallucinations are kind, and read some testimonies on Reddit of people with kind voices. Has anyone known someone able to shift theirs so that theyʻre not as scary or cruel?

My baby is beautiful inside and out. Theres some other reasons we might not work out, shes moving and life is life. But Iʻm also scared of her hallucinations and the way they affect her. Iʻm anxious knowing she doesnʻt manage them the way she does her other diagnoses, and has a hard time even talking about them. I told her that, and I think it hit a chord with her.

I want to be with her, but I donʻt know what to expect. I donʻt even know what her official diagnosis is. Any advice?