As an autistic transman I genuinely think suicide is my only option

I don't know why I'm feeling this way I just feel so drained so tired I'm so sick of everyone and everything I'm sick of being autistic why was I born this way I can't work school is a nightmare and I genuinely can't do this anymore everyone is so much cooler and happier then me going to parties getting partners and shit and I'm just rotting in bed I have no future ahead of me I live in such a shit country and I'll never get to do what I love because of my lack of skills I always wanted to work in the entertainment industry but lack any skills so I'm just worthless and I want to die honestly just wanna die dysphoria is killing me from the inside out and I'm such a loser and I'm genuinely just a shitty person i just had an argument with my friends and ugh I have like what 5 friends and they all have 50+ this fucking stinks man I wanna die