My heart aches for you

My heart aches. But not for me but for you my sweet angel. How I wish I could take all of your pain away. I would rip my chest open and absorb all of your sorrow and carry it as my own if I could. I’d walk to the ends of the earth just to bring you back your smile. That beautiful smile that brings me so much joy.

I’ve seen some awful things in my time, but nothing has broken my heart as much as seeing those soft sparkly brown eyes fill with tears. Your bottom lip quivering as you struggle to get your words out. Your hands shaking emitting vibrations of so much sadness. That beautiful face becoming wet and puffy. I see the resistance in you trying not to let it out and fight off those feelings, trying not to display that emotion and fall apart in front of me. My love if you ever fell I’d be right here to catch you.

It’s as if I could see you, all of you, right through to your soul, your pain, your trauma, it was pouring out in-front of me. What could have happened to my poor baby for him to feel this way. And how I wish I could make it stop. I could see underneath your exterior the broken boy who is lost and trying to find his way, like an abandoned puppy scared and alone not knowing where to turn. You’ve had no guidance no direction no one allow you to be in the back seat as they drove.

I am so sorry for that. I am sorry you wasn’t given the chance to be free and know that someone else is taking care of you and your environment and that so much was put onto you at such a young age. Your innocence was stolen from you so soon before being thrown into life being cruel and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for those who did you wrong.

I’d scoop you up in my arms forever and hold you there to keep you safe and protect you from the world.

I need you to know that I know life may seem overwhelming and painful right now but it’s not going to stay this way. I am going to help you, I’m going to be right here through it all. I’m not going anywhere. You are not alone. The weight you carry on your shoulders isn’t just yours anymore, I am here. I would do absolutely anything for you, I’d help in anyway I could.

I’m going to make it all better I promise you. I know you might not believe that right now and probably feel like you are stood in the darkest corner of life at the moment but you aren’t stood there alone, and I’m going to guide you into the light, I promise. I will not fail you like others have, I will not abandon you like those before, I will be here through all the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

You have my word that I will not allow you to fall apart. You are not going to crumble and fade away, not on my watch. I am here to keep you going as best as I know how and I will not let you down.

Everything is going to be okay, and when it feels like it isn’t reach out and you will find my hand waiting for you. No matter what you will always have a safe place in this world with me, I will be your reminder of how loved you are, how strong you are, and how proud of you I am. And everything that is happening to you right now is conditioning you to being an even stronger braver version of you than you already are.

You are simply shedding your skin of your last life and it’s problems right now but so a new better brighter one can begin. Like a caterpillar that’s about to turn into a beautiful butterfly. How exciting. Don’t be scared. We’ve got this. I’ve got you. Forever.