i’m tired of hating myself

i just want to live normally instead of my entire life being controlled by self hatred and jealousy. i’ve grown jealous of nearly everyone and anytime a skinny girl talks abt her insecurities i just want to scream because at least they don’t look like me. i would kill to be beautiful that’s all i want. i don’t care if people like me, i don’t care if im smart or funny i just want to be sexy i want people to be jealous of me for once i want a fat ass and a flat stomach and perky tits it’s not fair that i have to look like this. even after losing 90 pounds i still hate myself and i can’t get rid of the rest of the skin and i just feel hideous all the time and im tired of living like this