I have seen too many babies die this year

I am a neonatal nurse practitioner and in general I love my job. But this year has been rough. I have of course lost babies before but typically only 1-2 a year. I have already exceeded that number this year. The most recent was a 14 pound baby who got stuck in the birth canal and I had to stand there waiting for them to get him out, fearing the worst. He came out without a heart rate and over 20 minutes later of trying everything we could never get a heart rate. We also had a baby who was basically ex-sanguinated when mom abrupted during a home birth. They were able to resuscitate him when he was initially brought in but was in organ failure by the time my shift started and was dead about an hour after I arrived. I've also had a micro preemie whom we had been caring for for over a month get septic and again less than an hour after my arrival in the morning we had to code him and ultimately lost him. It has been rough.