Life expectancy

(Warning: depressing negative thoughts ahead)

It’s been five years since COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, so I’ve been kind of reflecting on it over the past couple days. I really can’t shake the feeling that I won’t live that much longer if COVID remains entirely unopposed and free to spread around. I’ve worked hard over the past five years to stay COVID-free, but there’s no way to really know if I’ve had asymptomatic infections or cases that didn’t show up on tests, I guess. And now I’m wondering if any of the health problems I’m currently dealing with are the result of long COVID.

I try not to go to the doctor if I can help it, I’ve been avoiding the dentist, and hell, I haven’t even gotten a haircut in like three years. But you can only avoid doctors, clinics, and hospitals for so long, and if something serious happens to me and I wind up in the hospital, will I just catch COVID there and make everything ten times worse? Is it worth pursuing minor health issues and risking infections to do so?

I’m really sorry for being so negative and pessimistic but I’ve been an anxious person my whole life, and some part of me was hoping I’d be able to hunker down until covid was mostly over. But now it’s been five years and I haven’t even had a checkup with my PCP. How much longer can I realistically live? A couple more years? What if I get a tooth infection and need emergency dental surgery? What if something goes wrong with my kidneys and I can’t stop vomiting in the emergency room long enough to put a mask on?

I don’t know. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I might not be alive that much longer, but it’s really weighing hard on me. Or I’ll be alive, but with horrid quality of life after a bad spin on the wheel of Long Covid. It’s got me pretty shaken, and I don’t know how to make peace with it.

I don’t talk to my therapist until friday, so I’m just kind of ranting and blowing off steam here. If anyone has any words of wisdom or coping strategies, please let me know. Honestly I’m so happy this community exists, and I hope y’all are having an easier time finding optimism than I am.