Is college supposed to be this hard and miserable?

I don't know, I feel like I can't do it. I know I want my degree, and I know what I want to be, but reaching it seems like an impossible task.

Anytime I even think or come near school work, the sheer amount of distress I feel makes me want to vanish. Like I actually want to die at that moment. Fortunately, the feeling goes away the further I go away from my work, but I instead feel an immense amount of guilt and pressure.

And before anyone worries too much, I'm not suicidal by nature and I'm not so easy to give up on life. College? Maybe, but not life. It's just that I'm so miserable doing academic related things that those thoughts come into mind, even if I don't ever want them to.

It's too stressful, and in my Asian culture, I feel no escape. If I don't get my degree (I'm doing comp sci), I will be seen as an outcast, and on top of that, I'm not in the slightest interested in doing the trades. I would be a failure in life, something I've imagine myself being ever since I was 7. I do all I can to avoid that future I see myself in, but it's like every step I make somehow rounds back to me ultimately being an outcast.

Maybe it's my depression, but college is too hard. I feel like the stress it gives me is not worth the investment, but yet I have dreams. I want to be a software engineer, I want to be an author/artist on the side, but I'm too damn unmotivated to work towards it.

I'm looking for relatability. I feel alone. I want to know if other's feel my distress.