Day 4 / Facing fears

Today I really aprecciated being sober.

I've got called for a job interview and, altough I don't really know the outcome of it, I felt brave and tried to be more confident, something I'm trying to better in myself.

I used weed to numb my insecurities and biggest fears. One of the worst ones is public speaking or speaking in work/professional envirioments, so for me, today was a really big step and I'm proud of it.

At the end of the interview the anxiety kicked in and I really wanted to smoke. Somehow I felt shame for trying something that scares me and started to doubt myself and my skills. And the weed always as been the answer to relax and calm myself and force me not to think about this, or feel this way.

But as I made my walk home I tried to focus on me and how I really put myself first and tried to go against my worst fear anyway! I'm a perfectionist, so the fear of being rejected is really big, but I'm trying to find healthy coping mechanisms, and somehow I managed to transform shame on bravery and a sense of sucess from me to me.

Anyway, I'm writting this to myself, to record my progress, and also, maybe it can help someone feel more visible.

Lets keep going people 🙏🏻