Funniest things a patient has said to you

I work in the OR, and because of anesthesia I’ve had some hilarious things said to me. The most recent was a man, in his late 60s, that had not been given any versed or any other type of anesthesia yet. I asked him if he had questions about the procedure. Then this conversation happened. Me- do you have any questions for me about the procedure? Pt- yeah, so I was cleaning myself with the soap I was given last night and it made my nipples bigger. Is that normal? Me- made your nipples bigger? Pt- yeah, it was great!!! I like to play with my nipples sometimes. Me- straight faced no I don’t think CHG makes nipples bigger Turned around to my coworkers cackling. I turn back to him. Me- do you have any other questions? Pt- I like that soap. Im going to use it again. Do you think it’ll make my penis bigger? Me- Looking to anesthesia to help me, but they’re laughing too ok I think it’s time to get you off to sleep.

After he was tubed, I made sure to thank everyone for leaving me to handle that by myself, then laughed with everyone.