i hate my situationship

i hate my situationship. he's mean, rude, and always blocks me. he constantly calls me stupid, dumb, weird, annoying and always belittles me, but then calls me emotionally abusive when i get upset at his remarks. he says we're in a d/s relationship and i'm not allowed to get mad and he has complete control over my phone, clothes, and whatever. there's never a day where he doesn't tell me how much he hates me or how stupid i am. he blames me for everything and says that's how our relationship is. every time i want to leave he convinces me to stay and when i see him it's the best sex ever and he treats me like his girlfriend, buys me food and gifts, and kisses me to sleep. when i see him he's perfect and it makes me not want to leave and i hope that i'll finally get respect but it never lasts. a few days later he purposely triggers me and says its my fault when i get upset. i hate him and i hate myself but i don't have the self respect to leave because i love him so much. he just blocked me again for crying and i literally can't do this anymore