Incredible signs didn't lead to anything...

Warning, this is going to be quiet a long post. Feel free to jump to the end where I tell you about my latest experience.

I've only interacted with my TF (let's call her Anna) on several occasions, and only once when it was just the two of us. As is most often the case, these meetings had a strong effect on my spiritual journey. Lately I've been feeling so much more at peace with myself and I feel like I'm ready for a relationship. The signs and synchronicities started increasing exponentially. Last Thursday, I got a clear sign that I was going to meet her in one hour! I got this sign while I was leaving uni. As usual, my rational mind put in a strong fight to convince myself that I was crazy. But I knew more than ever that this wasn't a coincidence.

Before I tell what happened next, let me give a quick rundown of everything that has happened.

I (20M) met my twin flame (19F) for the first time, a little over a year ago (October 2023). At that time I didn’t really know about the concept of twin flames. But the immediate connection and longing I felt made me consider that she was my soulmate. Important note, she is the best friend of my cousin (19F), who told me before I met my TF that she saw us together. This made me immediately think of her in a romantic way.

The first time we met, we couldn’t really talk since she was with my cousin and we didn’t have the time. We did meet, however, two months later. While walking my dog, I was listening to a French song about the pain of seeing everyone in love but yourself, till I saw a visibly pretty girl appear in the distance. The girl was waking her dog too. She was wearing headphones. The closer she got, the clearer it got how beautiful she was, and the more nervous I got.

As I walked past her, she smiled politely. I smiled back, debating myself whether to say something. I knew it was her, but I had a lump in my throat. We walked past each other and I cursed myself out for being a little bitch. I wanted to get away from her as fast as possible because I didn't feel worthy of talking to her. As hard as I pulled on the leash, my dog wouldn't follow me. She even laid down on the street. She wanted me to turn around, so I did.

I knew what was coming. As I approached the corner of the street where we walked past each other, I prayed I wouldn't have to face it again. But I also thought: "if this is meant to be, I will not shy away again...

I turn the corner and guess who is there? My tf is right in front of me. She smiles again. As she's about to cross me again, I stop her. This second time I had gathered my courage and I asked her whether she was the friend of my cousin. She obviously responds affirmatively and remembers that I was her friend's cousin.

A smooth conversation follows, even though my heart was pounding 200 beats per minute. A few minutes later she leaves.

The second time my cousin, who clearly didn't let go of her plan to pair us together, brought Anna with her. I was sooo nervous and even more so when she walked in. As my sister hugged my cousin, I went in for a polite 'side hug' with Anna. A warm feeling came over me. She left out a giggle. It sounded like music to my ears.

The rest of the night, I realised that she was different than in my fantasies. She seemed way more confident than me, for example. I didn't really feel like myself. I was so frustrated that we couldn't really talk one on one. During this night I kind of convinced myself that she wasn't 'the one'. Keep in mind, I didn't know about twin flames back then.

A third and for now final meeting went even worse. It was a beautiful sunny day but I felt weak, depressed and anxious. When Anna arrived to the park where me and my family were meeting, I felt unworthy of being in her presence again. Even though it was 2 months after we last met, the lump in my throat hadn't disappeared. It was clear what my problem was: I didn't have a clear sense of self.

Now, half a year later, a lot has changed. I've gone through big inner changes. I've been feeling really good about myself and enjoying my life a lot. It feels like I'm starting to pick the fruits of all my suffering since my initial spiritual awakening, in 2021. The obsessive thinking over Anna has decreased but I still long to be in her presence. I still feel insecure sometimes over my physical appearance. My looks have definitely improved a lot over the past few years but I just don't feel like I'm on her level. She's literally the most beautiful girl I've ever seen :) Maybe I'm worrying too much about this since numerous people seemed to hint that we would look good together.

Now, let's get back to Thursday evening...

After I got the clear messages, I depart on my bike as usual. For the first time this semester already dark outside on my way home, since I stayed at school for a little longer than normal. The entire way home, I notice how beautiful the world around me looks. The rain, the Christmas lights, the warm coloured street lanterns. It feels so enchanted.

When almost home, I'm not sure what to do next. The sign I got (yt video title), said I would meet my divine counterpart in one hour. This would mean in 20 minutes time. I decide to go to a bench in the woods where I often meditate. I don't sit on it because it's wet, so I stand instead. While I look over the field in fornt of me, I wonder how on earth I'm supposed to meet her. I know she must live somewhere close to me, but surely she won't go outside in the rain to the woods right now. I remind myself that the universe works in mysterious, illogical ways. And so I decide I'm just going to follow my intuition.

Suddenly, I see a flashlight shining in my direction. It comes from the forest on the other side of the field. I immediately decide to go there, my rational mind protesting again. On the other side, I lose and then find the flashlight a couple of times. Suddenly, I get closer than ever. A large part of me, still expects it to be just a random person. It's too dark to see who it is. But the flashlight shines on this person's dog. The dog looks very much like Anna's dog, what a coincidence! I want to go talk to her but she's walking in the other direction away from me. I have my phone's flashlight on because I don't want to scare her. I think this is the moment she notices me. I feel like a creep and I realize that no matter what I say or do, I can't play this meeting of as a coincidence. There's the lump in my throat again. At last my fear wins... I back away and go home...

You would expect I was very frustrated and sad, but I honestly wasn't. I appreciated how this strange evening confirmed it even more for me that she's my TF. It's become clear to me that I have to surrender. I just don't really know how.

Also, I would appreciate to be able to see her in different circumstances. I want to be with her so badly, I'm losing my patience!!

I see everyone on this sub talking about separation but I can't seem to be with her in the first place...

Advice is welcome, thank you!! <3 🦋