I miss alcohol sometimes

That instant relief upon the first gulp. It works almost immediately, acting as a filter between me and my mind, smoothing out the negative feelings inside me.

But it never lasts, it just postpones the feelings + gives me a hangover.

That hazy nothingness of just existing but not being quite alive. Yet not caring. The mind goes so stupid it doesn’t care about anything at all.

But it never lasts, it just postpones the feelings + gives me a hangover.

That dreamy feeling when I’m several shots in. Nothing feels real, everything is blunted. That’s what kept me hooked. The numbness I could rely on from the bottle, no matter what I was going through.

But it never lasts, it just postpones the feelings + gives me a hangover.

It’s not alcohol I miss. It’s what I thought it gave me. But it was all a lie.