Therapy is not working, I’m too self-aware

I have been going to therapy for a long time but I see myself further diving into hopelessness, negativity and despair. It’s been 3 years since I’ve been severely depressed, angry and mad at the world for the circumstances and injustices I had to go through in my life.

The first two therapists were not a good fit for me at all, so after almost 2 years I decided to do things right and waited months to find the “right person. And I have to be honest, this girl I’m currently seeing is extremely competent and very “human” when it comes to understanding the pain of the next person. However, the limits of therapy are still the same: What can she offer that I already don’t know? A different perspective? A few pieces of advice here and there? This doesn’t get the solutions to my problems. I’m not making progress on any of my problems because of bad luck and circumstances. I’m vengeful and resentful and obsessively think negative all the time like a psychopath because I’ve been wronged. The country I lived in for 20+ years destroyed any dreams I might have fulfilled if I was born elsewhere, and each session I repeat this over and over.

The truth no one wants to hear is that therapy will help as much as you want it to and for some people with a certain mind, with high intelligence, high emotional intelligence, high awareness of themselves and the world and specific “knowledge” about people and how the world works that sometimes is rather uncomfortable and unsettling, will not work at all and will make them worse. You can’t blame people like me if we are so negative about the world and life in general, I’m this cynical because of my life experiences. You can’t propose me acceptancy for the past and the future. No I don’t accept it. That’s the last thing I’m going to do. I prefer getting mad and blame the world rather than accepting it.

Being wise and intelligent is a curse because you see how things really are, it’s not my fault if the true nature of reality is sad, depressing and mediocre for 90% of human lives.

Ironically, the mentality I’m adopting described as follows is exactly the one adopted while going to therapy:

I’ve discovered that actually most problems don’t get solved at all, we just care less. We have to train ourselves to care less, we find ways to care less and not think about it until we reach a certain apathy towards the next person. Therapy is supposed to make you feel more positive about the world whereas I got worse even with the right person and now I feel better by completely becoming celf-centered, egoistical, success focused and tyrannical. This has gave me strength and has been incredibly liberating to me.

My question is, should I keep going to therapy if I’m just repeating my obsessive, negative thoughts all the time each session for months along with renting about how bad my past and my traumas have been? Is it really worth it?

The alternative is getting destroyed 24/7 by my justified negative thoughts. I don’t deserve this.